Midsummer nightmare
by ickleails
Summary: Emily has to face up to some personal stuff including what her heart truly desires.
1. Chapter 1

So I have done so many night shifts that night has turned to day and vice versa. As a result my mind is probably a weird place to be. I am posting as I am writing so I currently have no middle or end to this... we will go where the plot bunnies hop...

A/N I do not own anything but my imagination... and sometimes I think that owns me!

Leaning against the sill Emily stared out the window into the darkness of the moonlit night. Clutching the steaming brew of earl grey she sipped away as the steam billowed around her altered complexion. Lost in thought she allowed her body to sag, it had been a long night and an even longer year and exhaustion of both the physical and mental strain was starting to show. She had watched and experienced so much grief in the last 12 months as Haley died and Reid was shot. She watched as her created family crumbled and came apart at the seams, while she also watched as love and determination pulled them all back together again. Repeatedly she found herself in awe of the people she called her family. The strength that they showed would frequently make her jealous.

She was an actress to her core, able to daily put on a show of strength and determination. Something she had learned growing up. She should have won an Oscar a long time ago. Everyone who ever met her would describe her as strong, focus and fearless but she was now of the above. Each day was struggle and tonight she was finding herself reaching the epic peak of her tolerance. Never before had she felt so unglued. Tears formed in her ducts and started to slip down her face. She felt like she was falling without any control and that petrified her.

Tonight was something she was dreading, an annual Prentiss family event. Each year on midsummer night her mother no matter where in the world would invite family and friends to celebrate nothing more than life and to Emily it also felt like her mother was also celebrating Emily's perceived failures .It was a list of who who of politicians and old money types. The wealthy would come and Emily would try and hide however each year she would try to back out of it and each year somehow her mother would ensure what with her contacts that she would be free for the night. Shaking her head slowly she pushed up from the frame and shuffled bare foot across the room, her long midnight blue dress trailing behind her in her wake. Sinking down onto her sofa she pulled her red velour throw from the back of the chair and shrouded herself in it.

Each year it was the same people and each year the same conversation. It had gotten to the point she could have finished so many people sentences for them. It was always about business or money or scandal or Emily lack of love life. And each year her mother would do the ultimate thing, and arrange a blind date for Emily and each year Emily would protest furiously especially as her mother had a habit of picking men as dull as dishwater. None of them were Emily type especially as Emily's heart was somewhat distracted with some other guy. Someone who made her heart flutter and caused her to laugh freely. Someone who was all man to her, someone who was real and broken. The man she knew she was in love with, the man who saw her as nothing more than a subordinate and perhaps a friend.

Placing her mug down she leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Tonight was a disaster. This year her mother had brought along Dean, a 40 something attorney from Boston. Tall and muscular with green eyes, he had the looks but it wasn't the looks she wanted to see. However he obviously was under the impression that Emily was a done deal and as a result was somewhat handsy. She knew she shouldn't have broken 2 of his fingers but no really did mean back off and not try again. Remaining where she was she allowed one hand to come up and gingerly touch the slight redden patch on her cheek while the other hand lay on her lap where deep bruises where beginning to form around her wrist from the pressure of fingertips. She felt a fool to allow it to get that far. She was a profiler after all and she allowed it to get to the stage of injuries. She felt disgusted at herself but no more than how her mother made her feel by her creating a scene at her precious function. Her heart sunk as she recalled the look of horror on her mother face not from the attack on her only child but on the scene that it had caused. 'you are a lady when will you act like one' hissed her mother, those words were now playing on a loop in her shattered mind and had since her mother ushered her out and demanded that she went home and sorted herself out. Which of course she was very happy to do but now she felt alone and lost. Turning so she was lying on her side she brought her knees up to her chest and allowed the tears that had been glistening in her eyes to freely fall.


	2. next morning part 1

A/N thanks to all you have read this and put story alerts out of this one...

**Once again, my imagination is all I own, I do not own the characters.**

Sitting at his desk Hotch watched the entranceway into the pen. Waiting and waiting some more he kept his eyes open for the morning appearance of the one woman since long before Haley's death that made him feel like a man. The woman who gave him confidence when he lacked and who made him want to be a better human being over all. The one with flowing raven hair and sparkling eyes and a laughter that brought everyone together. Checking his watch he noted that she was let and that his coffee cup was drained. Pushing up from his leather chair he headed down to the glass panelled tea room with his empty cup.

"Good morning Sir" came the sparkling voice of the one and only Garcia as she literally bounced into the room.

"Morning Penelope"he replied rinsing out his cup.

"Hi" said one very tired sounding Reid as he shuffled in beside them while yawning. In his wake came the rest of the team.

"So review day huh?" commented Morgan as he added creamer to his potent tar.

"A day of sitting around debriefing and discussing the workings of our team, I can hardly wait" grumbled Rossi opening a cupboard.

"Don't forget budget talks" moaned JJ leaning against the counter.

Hotch took in the room full of people and felt the absence of Emily profoundly. He was about to open his mouth to ask if everyone had seen Emily when in she walked through the main doors. Instantly he knew something was amiss. Her whole body language was that off leave me alone and don't ask. Her head was down and her hair fell across her face. He could see the oversized sunglasses perched on her face as she collapsed into her chair. JJ had also witnessed the altered entrance and before Hotch could take a step towards the door JJ was already half way across the pen.

"Hey Em, you ok?" she asked perching herself on the edge of the desk peering down on her friend.

" Sore head" she replied cradling her right arm in her lap.

"Ahhh so that's what's up with the sunglasses indoor"

"Yeah the light is making my head worse."

"Sounds more like a migraine" stated Reid as he tossed his bag down beside his desk.

"Probably" she murmured picking up some of the paperwork sitting on her desk and loudly sighing.

Hotch stood a bit off side listening to all that was being said, listening to the words and all they sub contexts. "Do you think you should be here Agent Prentiss?"

Emily nearly jumped up in the chair, she hadn't realised her boss was standing behind her. His voice washed over her like a strong current of cleansing water.

"Maybe but I am okay at the moment" she replied keeping her head down and her face covered. Silently he backed off and headed up the ramp towards his office. Stopping at his door, he turned round and faced the room. "Let's start in 15" and with that he entered his office.

Emily felt the eyes peering at her and she felt her long buried insecurities rise up within her like a phoenix from the flames. Staring at the page of words before her they appeared to her like nothing more than a jumbled mess of letters that made no sense. Her heart started to pound in her chest making her longs constrict with each violent beat. Bead of sweats started to form on her clammy skin she knew she needed to escape from the 'right now'.

Abruptly she stood up and with quick strides went across the room towards the ladies. Slamming the door behind her she braced herself against the cool sink and turned the cold facet on. The cool mist helped her breathing while the gentle swishing off the water down the sink started to ease her frantic heart.

Removing the sunglasses she pushed her mane out of her face and stared at her drastically altered reflection. Her left eye was double it's normal size and was only partially open while the deep purple with edges of yellow and blue was in sharp contrast to her normal alabaster complexion. The small laceration above her eyebrow was scarlet in contrast to everything else.

Gingerly she rose her left arm to touch her damaged area while her right arm was held protectively in towards her stomach. So preoccupied on her reflection she missed the door opening.

"OHHHH sweetie, what happened? That's not a migraine" yelped Garcia.

Swallowing deeply Emily tried to keep the panic from her voice but failed miserably. By now Garcia was standing before and examining her intently.

"What happened?" she asked softly seeing real pain in her usual strong friend. Sniffing a tear escaped it's confines and started to fall. Seeing this Garcia stepped forward and without hesitation wrapped her arms around her friend. Holding her closely Penelope also managed to use the one hand that had been holding her blackberry to send a simple SOS-Ladies message to JJ. She knew that whatever was going on it was going to be big to get Emily into such a state and back up was essential.


	3. next morning part 2

A/N- thank you for all the kind story alerts, reviews and the such. They really do make me smile...

so on with the story and once again I do not own the story or the characters.

JJ entered the ladies confused which rapidly morphed into fear and pain for her friend. The way Garcia was holding Emily and the way Emily body was racked with sobs she felt her heart plummet.

"Emily!" she said touching her shoulder, "What's the matter? Is it your head?"

"So not her head" replied Garcia pulling away from Emily. Swallowing she lifted her head to come face to face with JJ, all the while chewing on her lower lip in a nervous manner. As JJ eyes fell on the mass of broken blood vessels that had swelled around one left eye she felt her stomach churn.

"What happened? You can tell us!" she asked gently reaching out to take Emily right hand to which was nervously removed from her reach. Her action did not go amiss.

"Is your arm sore?" asked JJ trying to make eye contact with Emily.

"Emily!" pleaded Garcia. "speak to us, we are your friends."

Deep down she knew she had to be honest and the sooner the better. However she didn't want their pity or sympathy, she was embarrassed enough as it was.

"last night was the annual mid summer night ball that my mother puts on. Every year I am dragged and every year my mother insists on bringing a blind date for me, someone deemed worthy, by my mother that is." Emily sighed as she rested against the counter top. "Normally the guy is as dull as old dish water but this year she really out did herself. This year it was Dean!" At this she started to pace back and forth, nervously flicking the fingers of her good hand.

"Dean is this tall, strapping top rating attorney from Boston. You know the type, the one who considers themselves the kingpin. Well he thought that given my mother had invited him to accompany me that meant he was 'with' me. I tried to give him a slip but he was too good. So instead I started to down the champagne. I definitely had one too many and I decided enough was enough and I headed towards the exit. He thought otherwise and followed me..."

"Anyone seen the girls?" asked Rossi sitting down at the round table with a fresh mug of brew in his hand.

"I think I saw JJ head to the ladies a short time ago" noted Reid absently as he opened a file before him.

"Do you think they are okay?" spoke Morgan, twisting his head around to stare out the open doorway.

"I'm sure they are okay!" replied Hotch as he intensely watched the bullpen through the open blinds awaiting their return.

"then what happened?" asked JJ softly as Emily halted her pacing turning around she leaned against the stone wall and stared at nothingness on the tiled floor.

"He grabbed me, specifically my wrist" she said holding out her injured arm. "and pulled me into one of the numerous alcoves..."

At this someone started to push open the entrance door to the ladies, Penelope who was closes to the door body slammed it shut while yelling ' out of order' at the same time. Keeping her shoulder firmly against the door she motioned for Emily to continue.

"When he grabbed me like that despite the amount of alcohol in my system I reacted and grabbed his fingers to pry them off me while simultaneous breaking them. While shouting at him to let me go. He kept telling me that I was his for the night, and that I wasn't going any where. After I broke his fingers he sucker punched me in the face and knocked me back into the wall."

"Oh Em" whispered Garcia.

"The commotion we made brought people over including my beloved mother" she spat as a solitary escaped from her good eye.

"He started yelling assault while I stood there bleeding and you know what my mother said, 'Why can't you not be more lady like! Why do you always cause scenes.' After that I stormed out and got a taxi home. End of story" she said looking up and meeting their eyes.

"Glad you broke the fingers of the SOB" growled Garcia, "I think I would have broken a lot more, south of the border if you know what I mean."

Always the sensible one JJ softly spoke, "Do you think you could be in shock?"

silently Emily nodded her head.

"Why don't you go home, We'll cover you with the guys."

"Yeah take a sick day, I think this would entitle you to one." added Garcia.

"But.."

"But nothing, go home and we will pop round later on. Maybe even get that eye and wrist seen to by a doctor. Today is Tuesday you have the rest of the week to catch up with the thrilling review work and budget stuff. Take some time for yourself."

Inhaling deeply she gave a small sad smile and nodded her head in agreement. Collecting her bag she started towards the door. Opening it slightly she stopped. "thanks" she said as she hurried out.

"Hey here they come" said Morgan with a grin as JJ and Garcia walked into the conference room.

"Where Prentiss?" asked Hotch as soon as they had entered the room.

"She really wasn't feeling to good. Her head got worse and all. She's gone home for the day." she said with a nod while also avoiding eye contact, something that Hotch and Rossi didn't miss.

"Are you sure she is okay?" queried Reid.

"She will be" replied Garcia taking a seat quietly beside Morgan which was something he noted. Her usual spring was missing and so was her dazzling sparkle. 'What's going on?' he wondered to himself.

Hotch stared between the two ladies in the room, he knew there was an elephant here and he just couldn't see it. "Let's begin" he said reluctantly.


	4. Deep in thought

**A/N- So so Sorry for the delay, I got hacked and my windows went bye bye and the laptop had to go to the Doctor's were it got admitted for 5 days and I lost my story and then I was on a bunch of nights... * breath* but it's all good now...**

Emily kicked the door closed with her heel while simultaneously tossing her jacket over the nearest chair. Exhaustion raged through her with a distinct hint of anger, not just at Dean but more so at herself. She prided herself on being fiercely independent and strong willed, capable of facing anything. She carried a gun, she tackled men twice her size without any fear, she knew martial arts, she was a warrior however in one night her fortress was knocked to the ground and she felt like a scared little girl. When she least expected it her world was crushed. Her wounded pride stung like knife while embarrassment burned within her. Stomping over to her freezer compartment she grabbed some ice in a clean dish towel and pressed it to her swollen eye.

Suddenly she picked up a glass from the draining board and smashed it against the wall while hot tears stung her fragile face. Feeling the last remains of energy seep out of her, she felt her knees buckled and she slid down to the floor with her back pressed against the cold metal of the fridge. Years of compartmentalising every harsh, scary or bad thing that every happen to her came flooding back as the dam burst. So many issues never dealt with came to the fore front of her mind, so many stuff she promised to deal with at a later date but never did started to haunt her.

Loneliness plagued her like never before and she wrapped her arms around her pulled up knees. She wanted to be held, no she needed to be held. She needed a set of strong arms to pull her into a strong chest and to hold her still. She need to feel engulfed by another and more than anything she needed to feel loved and not just for what she can bring but for all that she is and was. Closing her eyes she rested her forehead on her knees and closed her eyes as the tears lessened. In her mind and more so in her heart she knew that they was only one man who could make her feel that way, only one man who could free her from her self imposed prison. And that man was Hotch...

The morning was as slow as a weekend in jail as the words and numbers merged and blurred before Hotch eyes. His mind definitely was not in the room with the rest of the team, so much so that Rossi had stepped up and took lead this morning.

"Let's break for Lunch" said Rossi taking a peek at his friend. "Be back in one hour!"

As the rest of the team swiftly grabbed their belongings and headed out Dave stayed back as Hotch remained fixed in his chair.

"Take the rest of the day off and go and see her." commanded Rossi leaning against the wall.

Hotch raised an eye brow, "What do you mean?" he tried to shrug it off.

"Aaron, seriously please don't act dumb. I know we are not suppose to profile each other, but- come on. It's written across your face. You are worried about our very own Emily and I suspect you should, no we should be worried. So do us all a favour and go and check that she is okay..."

After a couple of seconds deep in thought, Hotch stood up nodding as her went.

"As unit leader I should ensure the safety and well being of all team members. I will go and make sure Prentiss is okay."

Rossi eyebrows shot up and he reigned in a snigger, there was no way he would go personally and check on a sick team member if it was Derek or even JJ who was the sick party. He watched as Hotch grabbed his jacket, car keys and headed towards the elevators.


	5. Truth revealed

_**A/N I have no excuse for such a hiatus expect work was somewhat overwhelming...**_

_**As always I do not own a thing expect what's in my head!**_

Hotch banged on her door with a strange yet also somewhat familiar jutterly feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Emily groaned at the noise 'why can't people leave me alone' she moaned rubbing her eyes painfully. Blowing her nose she stumbled over to the door. Leaning against it she peered through the peep hole. "Damn" she muttered recognising the man beyond her door. The man she more than wanted to see but also the man she wanted to hide her shame from. Taking a deep breath she placed her palm against the wood, "yeah" she hollered.

"Prentiss it's Hotchner." Hotch shouted back in response.

"Yeah" she replied in a thinly veiled weak voice.

Hotch felt worry surge through him, something wasn't right, something serious was up!

"Agent Prentiss open up I need to see you." he ordered.

Unconsciously Emily started to chew her lower lip as he cheeks blushed shocking pink which clashed with the purple and yellow staining of her eye.

He heard the chain being retracted and the clacks of the tumblers falling as the yale was undone. Fixing his business face on he stood tall as the door swung open. Not seeing Emily he took a step inward.

"Prentiss" he said feeling her presence behind the door. Turning to face her he was met by the crown of a head as Emily walked around him.

Instantly avoidance flagged up in his head, but why and how come penetrated his thoughts as he closed the door behind him. He watched her sit on the edge of one of the single seats her hands clasped in front of her, her body tensed. Walking he sat on the sofa diagonally across from her.

She could feel his eyes burning deep within her going deep within her soul. She felt naked, exposed before him. Hugging her arms around her waist she drew herself to herself.

The silence deepened and palpable tension swirled around the room like a thunder cloud. Finally Hotch leaned forward bracing his hands on his knees.

"Emily" he softly spoke. He felt his heart shudder at the painful sight before him. This was not the woman he knew before him, this was a mere ghost. He wanted to stride across the short distance that was between them and take her into his arms and sooth her obvious pain away. He wanted to hold her tight to his chest to feel her breathe against his neck to kiss her forehead and so much more. He needed to make her smile again and to laugh her throaty laugh, to hear her quick fire come backs and to see the twinkle in her eye. To see her sitting there shielding herself from his eyes splintered his heart and felt lost. His hand without thought moved on it's own accord as it reached out and turned her arm.

"Please look at me" his voice rich in concern eagerly asked.

He could see her swallow deeply a sure sign of her nervousness as her fingers twiddled around themselves.

"Please" he urged his fingers still lightly resting on her arm.

She knew she couldn't hid for much longer, the truth was screaming to be revealed. Fearfully of the pain she knew she was about to cause she raised her chin and locked eyes with the man sitting across from her.


End file.
